


Untouchable Perfection

by Swann76777



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23000659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swann76777/pseuds/Swann76777
Summary: Why are you always on my mind? This void inside me will never be filled unless I can have you by my side. These tormenting thoughts will not leave me alone, I will never be good enough for you...
Relationships: InuYasha/Sesshoumaru (InuYasha), Rin & Sesshoumaru (InuYasha)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

I have began to notice a change in myself lately, to put it plainly, I am lonely. I need someone to talk to but I have no one left, well that’s not entirely true, I do have my brother left in this world but I doubt that’s going to amount to much. My brother, the one thing that will always be just out of reach, pure perfection, how could I ever measure up to that? I feel like my mind has been betraying me lately… it fills itself with images of his perfection, his pure snow hair that falls just above his hips caressing every curve of his body, that pale skin that never seems to hold a blemish even after a brutal battle, always untouchable, and those soft plump lips that I will never be able to taste. Yes, my mind is definitely betraying me.

You ask me “Are you ok?” How can I tell you that I am not, that I am completely falling apart, that I have fallen into a deep depression since my friends have left? I want to tell someone, I doubt that person could be you. I know we have been on better terms since Naraku’s death but I doubt that you would really care. I feign a scoff like I usually do and just tell you that I’m fine, just a little wore out. I know you don’t buy it, but do you care enough to question it? I want to tell you everything that has been going on, tell you about how my thoughts are constantly plagued by you, tell you that I have long forgiven you for everything, but I fear I would be cut down before the words ever leave my lips.

I turn to leave before I let my guard down completely, it slowly kills a small part of me every time. Why do I feel like this? Why do I yearn after you so? I sense you hesitate for a moment but you turn and leave as well. Do you have something to tell me? You seem almost as reluctant to leave as I do but your pride will always stand in the way. What secrets would spill from my lips if I asked you to come back?

I busy myself back in the village with meaningless tasks, anything to keep my mind off of you. I chase away lower demons and leave the villagers feeling protected, at least someone can feel safe and secure. I feel like a hollow shell of my former self, there used to be so much passion in my demeanor, so much rage, so much spirit. Now I just feel like I have no purpose, there is no one to protect, no one to love, and no one to love me. Am I destined to live the rest of my life in this despair?

The days drag on with no sign of life stirring within myself. This feeling inside has taken a hold on me and I fear it will never release it’s grip. I go to the hot springs just inside the forest, numb to everything around me. I try to soak in the relaxing water and clear my head but it quickly becomes filled with more doubts. I am completely and utterly alone in this life… The one thing I long for most in this life will never accept me. I pull my knees into my chest and let myself feel the darkness and despair, tears spill over and the darkness becomes all consuming. My senses are so dulled to the world and focused on the inner turmoil that I do not notice you watching through the trees, I do not notice the look of pain on your face when I let out a choked sob of your name. 

The darkness will not claim me just yet, I have to fight this, I like to believe that I am not that weak yet. I pull myself together as much as I can and leave the spring, maybe a walk will help? Maybe I can find something to distract myself? I wander through the forest, no real destination in mind, and this would prove to be my undoing. 

I had unknowingly stumbled across your path, I know I can not face you right now, so I turn away from your scent hoping that I had not been spotted. I over hear Rin talking to you, I know she has grown into a beautiful young woman and has become the center of your attention since the day you saved her. I can tell she really likes you, she has become more doting than ever before and worships the ground you walk on. I hear her utter the three words that I have longed to say to you for years now, will you follow in our father’s footsteps? The pain is too much to take as I realize that she would make a great wife for you and the tears begin to fall again. I stumble over my own feet trying to flee the area as quickly as I can, I will never be enough for you. I’m sure by now you have discovered that I had been eavesdropping and I am truly sorry, I did not mean to.

I run as far as I can until I can no longer feel my legs beneath me, I collapse from exhaustion no longer able to out run the darkness. This is it, there is absolutely nothing left here for me. I let the darkness take me, my hands are shaking as the blade presses to my burning skin. Welts of crimson rise to the surface and pool across my arm as I let myself think of you one last time. I picture you in my mind walking towards me one last time, but that stoic mask is not in place, it has been replaced with a look of fear as you quickly stoop by my side and hold me in your arms. I know this is not real, for you would never allow yourself to be sullied by my filthy hanyou blood. You are saying something to me but I can not hear it over the pulsing sound of blood in my ears, I feel so far away, so cold, so numb. With my last breath I whisper an “I Love you…” to this phantom image of you. My eyelids are too heavy now and I can not keep them open, I can no longer feel the pain coursing through my veins, I feel nothing, the darkness has come to take me away for good…


	2. Untouchable Perfection Continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are you always on my mind? This void inside me will never be filled unless I can have you by my side. These tormenting thoughts will not leave me alone, I will never be good enough for you...

I feel like I’m floating, falling into a dark abyss. There is nothing here for me, there is no light, no feeling, no nothing… “Hold on Inuyasha…” Where is that coming from? “Don’t you dare leave me…” Am I dead? I hear nothing else, only this voice, it sounds lovely, I cling to this voice with every fiber of my being. Don’t leave me in this loneliness… How long have I been here?… Is there nothing beyond this?…

No matter how hard I try I can not find anything else in this place. I feel myself slowly losing my grip on my sanity. It feels like years have passed since I last heard that voice. That voice that sounded so lonely, so sad… like it had just lost part of it’s soul… 

Am I going crazy? I swear I can hear something, it’s barely there, but I’m sure I hear it. There’s a very soft humming sound, like bees flying in a field far away. I could swear I’ve heard this noise somewhere before, yet I can’t quite place where. It seems comforting; familiar, like if I could only figure out where it’s coming from everything will be better. 

I have come to realize that the darkness stretches on forever, no matter where I run or how high I climb, this is all that there is. The humming will not cease, it only steadily gets louder, no matter where I go it grows stronger. I fear that I will go insane from the ear piercing vibrations. I cover my ears as much as I can but it doesn’t seem to help, the humming is not outside my body, somehow it is coming from within my own head. I can’t take it anymore, I drop to my knees, clutching my head, begging whatever gods that will hear me, to make the sound go away. Someone please help me.

“Come back to me…” The voice, it’s back! I snap my head searching for it only to realize that the deafening humming has stopped… Is that a light? That has to be the way out of this hell, I jump to my feet and start heading towards it. I am only able to take a few hurried steps though before the darkness completely dissipates and I am surrounded by a white light that is utterly beautiful in every sense of the word. It feels so peaceful here and I am so tired that I can’t help but to let my eyes close for a moment.

There’s a deep burning sensation running through my arm, I can’t move… I lay there a moment longer trying to gather my thoughts. My body is cold, I feel like I’ve been bathing in a cold spring but I know no such thing has happened recently… The pain slowly begins to recede and a thought occurs to me, I can feel again! My eyes snap open on their own accord as I take in a sharp inhale of the sweet air now filling my lungs. My eyes have not yet been able to focus but I feel a presence near by, a fact that is quickly confirmed when arms as strong as steel wrap around my frame smothering me in a white fabric. 

I take in deep shaky breaths trying to get my mind to focus on one thing at a time; air, musk, water, salt,… was someone crying? “Don’t you ever dare try leaving me again.” I feel a rumbling vibration against my face as the words are spoken and realize that I’m being cradled against someone’s chest. Wait a minute, storms, it couldn’t be… I crane my head back refusing to believe what I already knew. Sesshomaru, my seemingly heartless, prideful, stoic brother had been reduced to tears. I feel your body shaking ever so slightly around mine, did you save me? 

I can’t help but stare at your face. I can’t recall ever seeing you show any emotions other than contempt and rage. There’s something surreal about the moment and I want to remember it forever in case I never get the chance to see it again. You catch me staring and I immediately try to avert my gaze to no avail as my chin is caught in your hand forcing my face back up to yours. “You will NEVER do something as foolish as this again.” I nod my head numbly in your hand and before I know it you are closing the distance between us. Those arms loosen their grip ever so slightly around me, not yet daring to let go completely. Your very smell floods my senses, like a warm blanket wrapping around every inch of my body. Was this what heaven felt like? 

You pull your head back ever so slightly to look me in the eyes, your features are like never before, there seems to be something gentle behind them. The next thing I know, you slam your lips against mine nearly stealing all the breath I had just mere moments before acquired. It was gentle, yet passionate and demanding. The world around me came to a stand still as all I could feel were those heavenly lips on my own, the want, the need, the complete desperation behind them. My heart raced loudly in my ears but the only thought that registered to me in that moment was that I wanted, no, needed more. I could feel myself pressing into your body as my arms slide around your neck deepening our kiss. I was wrong before, THIS is what heaven felt like.  
  
You break away to soon for my liking and look me up and down, I feel your attention pausing ever so slightly as your eyes gaze upon the ragged, raised welt going down my arm and a sad look crosses your features. “How long?” I tilt my head slightly and give you a questioning stare. “How long has this been going on Inuyasha?” I feel a lump building in my throat and try to swallow it down, “This is the only time…” Your eyes become tense, “That’s not what I meant, I know you over heard what Rin had said.” The memories flood back to me and I can’t stop the lone tear that escapes my eye, “I-I’m sorry…” You grab my chin once more before I can look away from you, “You foolish hanyou, you ran away before you heard my response. I could never love Rin the way that she wants me to. Someone else already stole my heart a long time ago…” I look at you confused, nothing was making sense to me anymore. “Inuyasha I love you, I just never thought or expected that you would feel the same until I saw you at the springs earlier today. I only returned to Rin so I could tell her that I believed it best that she went to live in the village so I could open a new chapter in my life… a chapter with you." 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I'm leaving the story, I hope you guys liked it!


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